What my mom just said to me. Warning! TMI
- Me: I think I'll make myself pretty and get drunk.
- Mom: Don't forget to put a tampon in!
I’m concerned that, when I have a child, said child will one day say to me, “Mommy, I want to read a Goosebumps book.” God bless that poor, innocent child because if I ever hear that, I will go to the attic where I’ve hid the remainder of my Goosebumps away so my mother can’t donate them, throw the boxes down the stairs and scream, “Here!!!! Read them all!!!! Read them with ME!!!! We can read them together ohmygod!!!!” And then we’ll read them together, they’ll say, “Mommy, I’m tired!” at like 9pm, because I’ll be a good parent, and at that point I’ll tuck them in and quickly drive to Barnes and Noble [because I’ll still have at least an hour before they close unless it’s Sunday] and buy all the Goosebumps books I don’t have anymore plus the newer ones and then maybe some random classics for a rainy day in like three months when we’ve finished all the Goosebumps books.
Yes, I’m terrified for my child. They will have nightmares, not from the books, but from me going absolutely batshit crazy because they uttered the words that should never be said to me: “I want to read a Goosebumps book.”
“Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.” - Tina Fey (May 18, 1970)